STEMMING FOR THE PRESIDENT:
Science & technology are sure to figure into the presidential
election in 2008
By George Wolfe
TOPANGA CANYON – In this sleepy, post-hippy Southern California
enclave tucked away in the Santa Monica Mountain Range, one wouldn't
expect to find the next presidential candidate. But it's here
that science & technology merge with politics, and a formerly
top-secret plan has been hatched to create a super candidate for
the 2008 U.S. presidential election.
With stem cell research initiatives passing in the state of
California, Democrats saw an opportunity to create a strategic
blueprint that will end the current Republican reign.
Post-election polls indicate that the American public was clearly
reluctant to support John Kerry on his own merits, except as an
alternative to the Bush Administration. At least 51% of respondents
judged him to be "somewhat spineless."
"Can you create the perfect candidate
from Paul Wellstone's DNA?"
— Democratic Party leaders, to StemDem scientists
Southern California registered voter, Lisa Merkowitz, is typical
of many voters, "Apart from Howard Dean, the Democrats simply
failed to distinguish themselves from the Republicans. They lack
firm beliefs. Senator Wellstone [former D-Minn.] was probably the
last one with that kind of conviction, but then he died in that
plane crash. Barack Obama [D-Ill.] seems like he's got the charismatic
goods, but he's too young to run for president."
It's precisely sentiments like Merkovitz's that alarmed Democratic
party leaders and forced them to act. They approached prominent
stem cell researchers with the question: "Can you create
the perfect candidate from Paul Wellstone's DNA?"
An anonymous source with ties to the group, StemDem Research
Lab, claims they've already grown the candidate's spine, and that
it's being kept safe in an underground laboratory.
Evidently, Wellstone's DNA was genetically blended with that
of President Harry Truman (for grit and Give-'Em Hell attitude),
baseball legend Ted Williams (for physicality and athleticism),
Walt Disney (for creative and visionary capabilities), and Martin
Luther King, Jr. (for eloquence, integrity and tenacity) to give
the candidate well-rounded qualities.
Stem cell research has been a controversial political topic,
with the Bush administration lashing out against it. With the
creation of a candidate in embryo, it seems Republican resistance
to stem cell research was buoyed by knowledge of how swiftly Democrats
were moving on the project, dubbed "Mr. Smith" (homage
to the movie Mr. Smith Goes to Washington).
But Democrats are not alone in their scientific endeavors. New
evidence reveals that Republicans were active with stem cell technology
experiments in the 1990s. They once created a presidential hopeful
called "Newt" from former Senator Joe McCarthy's DNA,
but serious genetic flaws rendered the candidate insane and underscored
the dangerous side effects of fooling around with Mother Nature.
OOGENESIS:
The perfect stem cell candidate is hatched in this innocuous
pitri dish, where science & technology come together.