News Features:
Entertainment:
Since "no one knows nothing," look here for everything about anyone.
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<i>If We Did It</i> — Now in Bookstores
Anger Management Agency, Inc. — for High-Strung Actors
Ari Gold Summer Camp Turns Kids Into Super Agents
Asian Refugee Actresses Wash Up on California Beaches
Canned-Laughter Factory Shortages Expected
Catholic Priests Compete in Reality TV Show: Lead Us Not Into Temptation
Celebrity Garbage Displayed at New Hollywood Museum
Disney, Muppet Characters Wed in Gay Marriage
E. coli Traced to Skanky, Tainted Celebrities
E.T. Snarled in Financial Woes, Unable to Phone Home
Extreme Urban Makeover: New York
Face Transplants Cause Chaos in Hollywood
Fall TV Lineup: Just When You Thought it Was Safe to Turn on the TV Again
Film Review: It’s a Horrible Life
Film Review: Nine Below
Film Review: Pilates of the Caribbean
Film Review: Queen Kong
Hard Times for Christian Porn Director
L.A.'s Most Wanted: Tarot Card Deck of Hollywood Elite
Man Eaten By Theme Park T-Rex
Michael Jackson to Build Amusement Park Near Prison
Porn Biz Develops Cheap Flicks for Animals
Reagan Death Inspires Alzheimer's Theme Park
Reality Show Armageddon Survivor Scares World to Death
Reality TV Show, The Wall, Puts Israelis and Palestinians In Each Other's Shoes
Sea Creatures Shoot Hollywood Flick
Studio Exec Has Idea Based on a Real Thought
Writers Get Real in Writer Reality Show: Scabland
Environment & Weather:
Feeling under the weather (or smog)? Welcome to the atmosphere.
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A Case of Green v. Green
Bush Declares California Disaster Area — in General
California Leaf-Blower Causes Florida Hurricanes
Californians Evacuate Due to Cold Front
Emotional Garbage Spill Wreaks Havoc
Gay Marriages Spark California Wildfires
Los Angeles Annexes Vermont, Imports Autumn
Massive Mudslide Severs Malibu Peninsula
Migrant Workers Scrub Dirty Ring-Around-The-Valley
Organic Farmers Full of Crap, Not Afraid to Use It
Santa Ana Winds Cause Ion-Blaster Shooting Spree
Law & Business:
Plenty here about politically correct facism, ridiculous court cases and absurd new businesses.
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California Bans Alcohol in Bars
California Courts Won’t Bar KKK From Adopt-a-Highway Program
California Man Sued For Saying "Hi" to Co-Worker
California To Sell Organic Gas
California Town Installs Stockades for Smokers
Fat Tax to Fund Schools
First Case of Second-Hand Eating
Human Breast Milk Products A Hit
Man Trademarks Phrase: I Love You
Midwest Man Sentenced to Life in L.A.
Premature Ejaculation Center<br>
Opens Early Despite Controversy
Spanish Fly Airlines to Begin Flights from LAX
Star Wars Impersonators Use The Force to Con Tourists
Wal-Mart Acquires California in Hostile Takeover
Wall Street Crooks Bound for Posh Malibu Correctional Facility
Leisure & Lifestyle:
California on the cutting edge of culture -- check out the bloody mess!
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Beverly Hills Morgue Offers Herbal Body Wraps
Buddha's Gym: Become One With Any Body
California Marriage Anniversary Gift Guide Hopes to Save Matrimony
Crackhead Speeddating Puts Love Before Drugs
Dog Meditation: All the Rage in L.A.
Fire Retardant Fashions are Sizzling Hot
H-, I- and J-String Bikinis Follow G-String Suit
It Just Smells Like Van Nuys
Jewish Theme Park Opens
Jews for Mohammed: Bringing Jews and Muslims Together
Just Do It — For Christsakes! Lingerie
L.A. River Rowing Team Hits Rock Bottom
Lap Dances Calm Men’s Nerves
in Shopping Malls
Lizzie Borden Jeans<br>
on Cutting Edge of Fashion
Microsoft Paints Over Monarch Butterflies in Marketing Blitz
New Gym Treats Adults Like Babies
North Koreatown Restaurant Offers Unusual Dining Experience
Pressure Wash Therapy: Better Than Rolfing
Scrotox Creates Smooth Operators
Seniors Depend on D-Strings for Love
SoCal Cannabis Club: High Time for High Cuisine
Surfers Buy Waves Online
Tiki Vomitorium<br>
Woos Anorexics, Bulimics
Tongue Tattoos: New Fad
Top Activities for Parents to Resume After Summer Ends
Trendy Theme Restaurant Serves Primitive Fare
Woman Lands In Psych Ward for Cell Phone Use
Metro:
Local-yokel stuff that spoofs your community and its beloved and behated leaders.
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Christmas Treehugger Grounded
Hummingbird Closes LAX Indefinitely
Humongous Turkey Auctioned, Flies the Coop, Terrorizes West Hollywood
Inland Empire Launches Attack on Los Angeles
L.A. City Council Bans Piñatas in City Parks, Streets
L.A. Schools Begin Oil-for-Education Program
LAX Electricity Outage Brings Foot-Traffic On Moving Walkways to a Halt
Malibu Riviera to Secede From Rest of Malibu
Mayoral Candidate Builds Ark to Get Attention
Orange County Joins Inland Empire's Attack on Los Angeles
Orange Curtain to Separate Los Angeles From Orange County
Santa Monica Meter Maid Grosses $6 Million in Commissions
Southland Water Agency Adds Tooth Whitener to Drinking Water
Study Proves Burbank is Flatter Than Kansas
Treehugger Refuses to Let Go of Christmas
Valley Block to Secede From Other Valley Block
Miscellaneous:
When generic labels just won't stick.
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Bavarian Turd Flu Strikes Again
Crop Circles Appear in South Central L.A.
Doctor Uses Rap to Speak to Patients
Human Noodle Soup Helps Birds Survive Avian Flu
Jesus’ Second Coming: Surfer Dude
Pope's Image Appears On California Beach
Same Sex Leads to Gay Divorce
Scariest Trick-or-Treat Block in California
Schwarzenegger's War on Obesity Sparks Massive Power Outage
Scientologists, Proctologists Used by Aliens to Invade Earth
Starving Artist Starves to Death
The Schwarzenegger Family Christmas Letter
Trial Lawyer Battles Elusive Alligator
Virgin Mary Appears on Man's Dookie
Politics:
...in all its sordid, sullied forms.
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A Humble Proposal: <br> Creative Solutions for<br>
California’s Deficit
Arnold Cuts Angelides to the Bone
Bush Administration Reveals Core Strategy: Razzle-Dazzle 'em
Californians Pass ‘Fruits and Nuts’ Ballot Measure
DEMCAR Update: Howard Dean's Racecar Crashes
Democrats to Grow Presidential Candidate From Stem Cell
Homeless Protest<br>
Home of the Homeless
How Mr. Smith Goes To Washington
Kerry Concedes, West Coast Secedes
Nude War Protest Ends in Watery Fiasco
President Bush's Job Outsourced to India
Prop M: The 'Tough on Mime' Proposition
Prop O: Free-Range Office Workers
Prop X: The Secession Proposition
Treehugger Climbs Bush to Protest Bush
Wacky New California Propositions
Science & Technology:
See how the Golden State pushes the envelope into the letter of progress.
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Builders Push California Homes to Edge
California Think Tank Deployed to Iraq
Exercise Machines Power Up Homes
Inventor Patents Wheatgrass Lawnmower/Juicer
La Brea Tar Pit Discovery: Bog Lady
Los Angeles Stakes Claim to Martian Water
Prenatal Cosmetic Surgery Common in California
Saturn's Rings Comparable to Los Angeles Air Quality
Sports:
The smell of victory, the agony of the feet.
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ASPCA to Sue Giants' Fans Over Treatment of Rally Monkey
Church, Environmentalists
Protest Sports Mascots
Kitesurfer Disappears Into Oblivion
Kobe Says Shaq May Have Had Sex With Animals
Lakers Sign Fetus to Team
Los Angeles Lakers Swallowed By Sinkhole
New Baseball Team: Los Calaheim Angels
Rally Monkey Kidnapped
Shaq Uses Kobe Doll in Voodoo Rites
Triathlete Lets Fear Guide Training
Waterboarding Championships Coming to Huntington Beach
State:
Arnold über Alles!
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California Adopts New State Flag
California Indian Tribes Split Casino Profits to Buy Nevada and Arizona
California to Teach Polytheism in Schools
California Unveils Inflatable Jails To Trim Deficit
Catalina Island Hosts Reality Show: "Governor Survivor"
Homer Simpson Enters Race For Governor of California
New Coin: The Seven Plagues of California
Ozzy Osbourne To Run For Governor of California, President
Prisoner-Teachers Could Cut<br>
State Budget Deficit
Schwarzenegger Arm Wrestles Democrats For Budget Agreement
Schwarzenegger's Job Outsourced to China
Transportation:
Getting from A to Z — by way of queues.
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$1 Billion Car Crash in Beverly Hills
Commuter Kayaks Los Angeles River
Drones to Obliterate Traffic Snarls
Flying Drones Obliterate Traffic Snarls
Gulf War Vehicles Hit L.A. Freeways
L.A. Freeway Pileup at 5,000 Vehicles — and Counting
Man Lives Entire Life on Freeway
Man Markets Alternative Fuel: Assoline
Man Uses Illegal Immigrants to Access HOV Lanes
New Humvee Spans Two Lanes of Traffic
New Hybrids Set Record for Fuel Inefficiency
Study Suggests Juggling While Driving Could Be Dangerous
News Shorts:
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"Save the Snakes!" Man Dies From Snake Bites
99 Dollars Only Funerals
Actor Phones in Performance — Literally
Bail Jumping Declared Official State Sport
Blood Drive Screens Nosferatu, Draws New Blood
Distressed Clothes Stage Protest
Dog Helps Man Fetch Women
Downey Man Claims That He is Jesus
Environmentalists: Save the Schnooks!
Family Unwilling to Leave Home is Tented to Death
First Lesbian University Comes Out of Closet
First Splash, Inc.Makes Big Deal Out of Little Squirts
Frosty the Blowman and Police Navidad
Genomics Firm Discovers ‘True Love’ Gene
Handicapped Access Ramps for Animals to be Required
Hobophobia Rears its Ugly Head
Hollywood’s New Attraction: Walk of Infamy
Hot New Screenwriter Chokes on Cigar
It's a Dirty Job
Jesus Gives Santa Knuckle Sandwich for Xmas
John Holmes High Graduates its First Class
Large-Breasted Man Sues for Right to Strip
Local Man Diagnosed with Product Placement Disorder
Los Angeles Airport System Shutdown Part of LAX TV Show Ad Campaign
Loving Animals to Death
Metrosexuals Charge Discrimination, Confusion at Workplace
MLK, Black History Month Embraced by Caucasian
Model Dies, In Vain
New Skin Treatment Lightens Alien Skin
New Star Gets Big Head, Explodes
No Computing While Driving Ordinance Takes Effect
Politician Hackneyed to Death
Power Speaks Truth to Man
Probing Pointers: An Alien's Perspective
Retired Priest Just Wants to Sell Ice Cream to Kiddies
Skirball Championships Begin Today
South Los Angeles to Change Its Name — Again
Supermarkets to Require Special Driver's License to Push Shopping Carts
The Battle of Broad Beach: Residents Dig In
Wife Insurance Saves Divorced Man
Weird Real News:
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Actor Ryan O'Neal Fires Gun to Scare Combative Son
Aftershocked To Death
Britney Spears Gets California Driver's License
Case of the Elderly Bank Robber
Cat Surfer Dude
Chihuahua Hoarder Collapses
Comedian May Be Santa Barbara Mayor
Congenital Feats of Strength
Convicted Felon Breezes Through Lax Security
Cuddle Parties Grip West Coast
Desalinized Water Soon To Be On Tap
Disney Uses Feng Shui to Set Opening Date of New Park
Driving With Pets on Lap<br>
to be Illegal
Dueling Effigies of Presidential Candidates Rear Ugly Political Heads
Eviction Escape: Man Flees, Pig Attacks
Feds Back Off Hemp Food Fight
Glendora Passes Ban on Smoking in Parks
Human Billboards Are a Hit
Humor Heals — No Kidding
Hybrids Offer Breath of Fresher Air
Joke Chokes Fisherman
Last Alaskan Elephant Flies Home to California
Lawsuit Over Condom In Soup
Let's Go Surfin' Tsunami
Lights Out on Drunk Driver
Man Gets Stuck in Own Chimney
Man Spends Half Million on Dog
Mom Helps Son By Starting Fires
Owners of Stage Animals File Suit
Picture This: <br>World's Biggest Photo
Police Crackdown on Animated Characters
Refrigerators, Couches Banned From Beaches
Rock Singer Falls Out Limo
Sacramento Schoolboy Forced to Urinate in Bottle
Serial Crank Caller Strikes Again<br>
— and Again and Again
Sinkhole Swallows Man in His Own House
Smoke In The Water
South Park v. Scientology
Standoff Ends With Snacks
Teens Restricted From Vehicular Cell Phone Use
Termite Guts May Cure U.S. Oil Addiction
Time Capsule Eludes School Alumni
Ugly Fish Wins Hearts — and Stomachs — as Afrodesiac
Whaling Protesters Marooned
Woman Marries Dolphin
Woman Pays $50,000 For Clone of Pet Cat
California Studies:
Weird and bizarre research and studies about California.
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4-out-of-5 Dentists Prefer Clients Who Eat Candy
86% of Sheriff's Canines Prefer Minorities to Dog Food
Californians Get High on Leafblowers
Californians Jealous of Other States' Natural Disasters
Cell Phone Users Confess to Faking Connection Problems
Day Without Soufflé Tops List of Strikes, Boycotts
Distressed Clothing Linked to Distressed Kids
High Gas Prices Slow Number of Drive-By Shootings
Inflatable Jails May Be Alternative to Steel and Concrete
Kitsch and Tiki Genes Discovered
Lakers Approval Rating Hits Bottom
Majority of Californians Have Been Probed by an Alien
Many Californians Unable to Operate Umbrellas
Men Communicate Via Passing Gas
Men Test Positively Awful at Multi-tasking
Oscar-Related Disorders Increase
Queer Eye, Will and Grace<br>
Lead in Gay Converts
Reality TV 90% Less Real
Recent Study Reveals What Turns Women On
Romantic Comedies Replace Parents in Teaching About Love
Satanists At Risk For Depression During Holidays
SoCal Kids Required to Take Course on Phenomenon of Rain
Stormy Weather Proves<br>
God is Mad at Red States
Study Reveals Benefits of Human Noodle Soup
Study Shows 93% of Studies Are Self-Evident
Teenagers — Butt What About Knowledge?
Three out of Five California Teens Can't Find Oregon on Map
Tofu Tests Well As Building Material
Top Summer Activities for Jaded California Kids
Watch the Road Campaign Suspended — Too Distracting
Without Canned Laughter, 79% of Americans Can't Recognize a Joke
Writing Strikes Fear Into Writers' Psyches
‘Weather Gene’ Missing in Californians
Celebrity Slightings:
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Brad Pitt's Pits
Brosnan Donates Boxing Gloves
Celebrity Baby Placentas Exhibit Opens
Desperate Housewives Feminine Hygiene on Display
Die, Fluffy, Die
Discarded Celeb Fat Makes 'Star Candles'
Eric Gagne's Jock Strap Donated to Museum
Evel Knievel Donates Sac, Balls
Famous Facial Moles Exhibit Opens
Heartthrob Hearts
Hilary Swank's Nose Breaks Records
Hollywood's Walk of Infamy
Adds Other Notorious Celebrities
Katie Holmes Recovers After Silent Birth of Daughter Suri
Lassie's Last Poop — And All Sorts of Other Crap
Lindsay Lohan's Breathalyzer On Loan
Major Religions Buy Hollywood Studios
Obama's Used Fingernail Clipping to be Featured
Paris Hilton's Jail Nail File on Display
Rehab Clinic Wing Opens at Museum
Scientology Celebrities Donate Human Skins to Museum
Seinfeld Star, Richards, Switches to Anger Management, Inc.
Spector's Hair Cut Out for Museum
Steven Spielberg's Pubic Hair Lifted From Urinal, Added to Museum
Superbowl Entertainers Tribute
The Un-Credited Actors Awards
Tom Selleck's Eyebrow, Rodney Dangerfield's Eye on Display
Used Cigars From Boston Legal
Walk of Infamy Adds Britney Spears
William Shatner's Brain Donated to Celebrity Museum
Woody Allen's Foreskin Featured at Celeb Museum
