SACRAMENTO, California — Can you use "bitch slap" in a sentence?

California faces a budget deficit of astronomical proportions this year and the legislature (D) and Gov. Schwarzenegger (R) may have found a creative solution to close the chasm:  Fire teachers and hire prisoners.

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"At this rate, we might even be able to fire all the expensive security staff at these schools, too!"  — Dr. Betsy Rosman

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Since schools and prisons consume most of the states dollars, cutting teachers and releasing prisoners early are two things both parties agree upon. But many Californians worry about the fate of the state if prisoners are allowed to hit the streets early and our schools are short on teachers.

"Oh, bull!" says prisoner advocate Steven Shivers, "It's no-brainer legislation — a real slam dunk, win-win situation... teachers aside, of course."

Assemblyman Don Bosco (I) actually came up with the plan that will not only save schools but will also give freed prisoners something to do with their time.  Bosco wants to send our most violent and corrupt citizens back to school. Bosco's program, dubbed R.R.R. (Raping, Rioting, and Arithmetic) will train prisoners in the art of teaching.

"Most of those being released have been rehabilitated and are eager to give it back to society," says Bosco. "We know we have to cut teachers, but we shouldn't cut basically decent convicts out of a way back to a normal life, or even abnormal life.  Besides, the convicts have no problem  working for peanuts."

Many parent and teacher groups are naturally concerned about having convicts in control of the classroom, but one education expert thinks that the whole thing makes perfect sense.

"Many kids have behavior issues and have little respect for traditional teachers," says Dr. Betsy Rosman. "So if you have an ex-con telling a kid to sit his butt down and shut up then he's probably going to listen. Schools are like prisons anyway so this won't be much of a transition.  At this rate, we might even be able to fire all the expensive security staff at these schools, too!"

The governor and the legislature will be reviewing the plan in coming weeks.

In the meantime, it might be a good idea to teach your child how to handle a corndog stick during a riot.