California Indian Tribes
Will Share Casino Profits
in Exchange for Nevada and Arizona

California tribes offered a profit-sharing deal in response to pressure by state legislators and citizens. The deal would trade two states, Nevada and Arizona, for splitting casino revenue rights in California.

By George Wolfe

SACRAMENTO — A consortium of California tribes responded in a joint statement to the growing outcry over their financial success of casino businesses.

"Fuck you!" reads the statement.

The consortium's spokesperson, multi-millionaire Shoshone elder Linda Eaglefeather, says that despite centuries of oppression, neglect and poverty, they bear no grudge and that the tribes are perfectly willing to share gaming proceeds with California if, in exchange, California will broker a deal with the U.S. Government to trade the states of Nevada and Arizona.

— Linda Eaglefeather,
Shoshone elder

Governor Schwarzenegger's spokesperson responded succinctly to the tribes' proposal, "Our people will conduct a feasibility study of stabbing their people in the back."

A source close to the governor believed that, in light of the state's financial situation, and the governor's intent not to raise taxes, that the sale of two adjoining states "may be a deal he's willing to make."

President Bush would not say if he'd help California broker the deal, but he did speak to the consortium directly, "Look, just because we bought your land out from under you doesn't mean it's fair for you, once you get a little cash, to turn around and buy it back."

Arizona and Nevada were not so pleased at the potential deals.

The governor of Arizona, Janet Napolitano, claimed that she felt "really screwed... again!" by California, and vowed to oppose the deal by any means.

A slot machine gambler in Reno seemed unfazed, admitting that "as long as I keep winning, I could care less whether we're a state in the U.S. or part of the Iroquois League of Voters, or whatever they're called!"