How Mr. Smith Goes To Washington > The LaLa Times: California Satire, Weird and Bizarre News

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Politics

How Mr. Smith Goes To Washington

Devoid of viable candidates, Democrats used stem cell research to create the perfect 'stem cell' candidate, who will run for president in 2008. Top-secret research gives new meaning to political science.

by George Wolfe

To grow the perfect candidate via political science, follow these basic ingredients and steps:

   1.     stem cell
[derived from Sen. Paul Wellstone's DNA]
   2.     stem cell genetically blended with other DNA to incorporate particular traits
[Harry Truman, Ted Williams, Walt Disney & Martin Luther King, Jr.]
   3.     spine created as basic infrastructure
   4.     talking head forme
   5.     synthetic brain added
   6.     vital information downloaded into brain
   7.     body (sans genitalia*) attached to talking/thinking head
   8.     complete body/mind of the perfect Democratic candidate wins the 2008 election and enters White House

* In light of former President Clinton's affairs, it was felt that genitalia would only lead to trouble for the candidate.

GIVE 'EM HELL, HARRY!?: Democrats released this photo rendering of "Mr. Smith," their stem cell-originated biotech candidate for the 2008 U.S. presidential election.