It was recently discovered that
the job of the President of the United States has been outsourced
to India and is now handled by a 23-year-old woman named Sangeet
Dinali, who lives in Bombay. The move reflects a growing trend
to replace American jobs with cheaper counterparts overseas.
By George Wolfe
The following is a sample transcript from the President:
Welcome to WhiteHouseLink LiveChat. Your chat session will begin
shortly.
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can customize your settings to eliminate evil viruses and spam!
'George B' says: Thank you for contacting WhiteHouseLink LiveChat,
how may I help you today?
sickntired@rustbelt.com: yeah, I'm pretty pissed off and I need
someone to talk to. I lost my job on a production line at a steel
mill here in dayton, ohio. what do you propose I do now?
George B: Please wait a sec'.
sickntired@rustbelt.com: hey, where'd you go?
George B: Sorry. Just consulting with my staff. Please get another
job to best resolve the issue of unemployment.
sickntired@rustbelt.com: hey, I've looked. believe me, there are
no other manufacturing jobs in this area for what I do. besides,
I've got family here, we have ties to our church and community,
and my kids are in the middle of a school year. am I supposed
to just up and move to where there are more jobs?
George B: If there are no comparable jobs in your immediate area,
please cross-train to another career. If that does not resolve
your problem, then yes, it is possible you might have to move.
Sorry 'bout that.
sickntired@rustbelt.com: if I moved, where would you recommend?
George B: Please wait a sec'.
sickntired@rustbelt.com: hey, stop doing that! either talk to
me or don't…
George B: Sorry. It looks like employment prospects are good in
Denver, Colorado and Raleigh, North Carolina.
sickntired@rustbelt.com: -- or maybe Mexico, huh?
George B: Orlando, Florida is also high on our list.
sickntired@rustbelt.com: hey, are you really typing answers, or
are you just pushing buttons that spit out answers? how do I know
this is really George Bush that I'm chatting with anyway?
George B: Yes. I am George W. Bush, president of the free world.
How may I help you today?
sickntired@rustbelt.com: see? that's just what I mean!
George B: God Bless America.
sickntired@rustbelt.com: that's really annoying. please stop.
George B: Sorry you are not exactly appreciating my help.
sickntired@rustbelt.com: don't sweat it. but seriously, George…
what are you going to do about the deficit you're racking up?
I voted for you back when you had a huge surplus, but I'm having
second thoughts this next time around.
George B: Thanks for your support. As to your issue: I assure
that it will work. The American people are good people. Tax breaks
are the road to recovery and wealth.
sickntired@rustbelt.com: yeah, maybe for the rich…
George B: We must stay the course.
sickntired@rustbelt.com: What about the war in Iraq?
George B: Weapons of Mass Destruction. The American people are
behind it 100%. Our success will be directly coming from their
faith in our mission.
sickntired@rustbelt.com: yeah, but what about Spain dropping out?
George B: Yes. Sorry. Spaniards are turncoats -- pass it on. Weapons
of Mass Destruction. We must spread Democracy at any cost…
sickntired@rustbelt.com: yeah, yeah… -- what about job outsourcing?
how do you feel about that?
George B: Please wait a sec'.
sickntired@rustbelt.com: sure. whatever.
George B: Thanks for your patience. Outsourcing is good for the
American people.
sickntired@rustbelt.com: i'm not so sure it's good for the middle
class.
George B: Stay the course, my fellow person. A thousand points
of light. No new taxes… -- sorry -- ah, here we go: The
road of free trade is paved with good intentions. It will be directly
leading us along the path to prosperity.
sickntired@rustbelt.com: yeah? I'll believe it when I see it.
George B: Thanks for your vote.
sickntired@rustbelt.com: hey, I didn't say I'd vote for you!
George B: Sorry. I mean: support for your problem… a vote
of confidence. Is there any other way I can help you today?
sickntired@rustbelt.com: no, you've done enough damage for one
session. thanks anyway.
George B: Thanks for your support. I hope we have solved your
problem. Keep the faith.
sickntired@rustbelt.com: yeah, right.
George B: Goodnight and God Bless America.