Virgin Mary Appears on Man's Dookie
A Compton man saw an image of the Virgin Mary on his, well,...on New Year's Day and now people are lining up and paying top dollar to see it...her...
by Gingko Schwartz
COMPTON - For some reason, humans and animals always want to take a look at their feces after they have produced it; what they are looking for exactly is unclear. On New Year's Day, Donald Washington took a look at his two pound production before flushing it and he saw the image of the Virgin Mary and he now has people lined up around the block paying fifty cents to see her. “I’ve seen corn in my dookie, and I saw a penny when I was a kid, but I couldn’t believe myself,” said the still stunned Washington. “I called my neighbor in to have a look and she saw it too and she called the newspaper. Now it's like a running a museum or something.”
The image of the Virgin Mary – while nobody can say for sure what she actually looked like – has been seen in many unusual places over the centuries, but this is the first time it has been seen on a bowel movement. Father Phillip O’Brien, who confirmed the image, feels that is a bad sign. “I think its God’s way of saying our world has turned to crap,” said O’Brien. “We must ask for forgiveness. We must pray to his doodie."
While it is difficult to say if a Virgin Mary sighting - especially a fecal one - is a positive thing, Washington believes that his discovery means that 2008 is going to be a great year. "I nearly cried when I saw her," said the wistful Washington. "2007 was such a shitty year for me, but this shit means some good shit is coming my way. I've already made some serious money of Mary and well, maybe the next time a take a dump I'll see God."
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