NORTH KOREATOWN — You like rats? Cats? Then you're going to love Pyongyang Food Place (PFP), a new famine-inspired eatery north of L.A.'s Korean DMZ (Wilshire Blvd.).

This modest restaurant has become L.A.'s most infamous bistro due to the disappearance of two health inspectors who visited PFP last month. Where did they go? Only PFP's owner knows — but he claims that he "don't speaky the English."

Owner Sun-bok Choi says he doesn't know what happened to the inspectors, and speaking through an ill-tempered interpreter, said he's also tired of being harrassed about PFP's menu, which includes boiled dog placentas marinated in cow lungs; garlic-soaked, sun-dried horse spleens; and cats 'n' rats in a bile reduction sauce. "This is how we f*#!ing eat in Pyongyang," spewed the interpreter. (And then he threw what appeared to be a muskrat at this reporter's head... then chased it back into the kitchen.)

While the restaurant is on the short-list for a shutdown, Choi is non-plussed. "No problem here," said Choi. "Valentine's Day special coming up." When asked what PFP will be doing to make the day special, Choi smiled and said, "Big surprise for you, my friend! Let's just say: Food will be inspected."

Los Angeles County Health Department records show that two inspectors went into the restaurant last week, but never came out.  Koreans on the other side of the DMZ reported hearing horrible screams and really bad music.

Choi claims that the police investigation has been motivated by South Koreatown favoritism and feels that he is being punished because of Kim Jong-il's refusal to negotiate over nuclear weapons. North Koreatown has few other business establishments — a scrap metal shop and a butcher's shop — near the DMZ. The PFP compound is surrounded by a barbed wire fence and is a de facto no man's land which insulates it from the rest of Koreatown.

Bottom line? If you want to end a relationship on Valentine's Day then PFP is the place to do it.