WEST HOLLYWOOD — There were approximately eleven million cosmetic surgery procedures performed in the U.S. last year.  Novel medications and operations are now allowing people to correct any perceived flaw.  And Scrotox™, by the makers of Botox™, is leading the pack in 2006.

Franz Fastau, an aspiring gay porn actor, thought his scrotum (or “ball sac”) was ugly — “too wrinkly.”  So last month he went looking for a doctor to straighten him out.

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“I got so desperate that one night I even tried to iron the wrinkles out."
— Franz Fastau, gay porn actor

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He found Dr. Mortimer Kasdan, a Beverly Hills urologist, who had been experimenting with a variation of Botox.  Kasdan dubbed the new drug “Scrotox” and vowed to help those who are looking for a silky smooth purse.  Both Fastau and Kasdan claim great results with the medication. 

“It was so frustrating for me,” says the elated Fastau.  “I got so desperate that one night I even tried to iron the wrinkles out.  Talk about pain.”  Fastau, allegedly because of his reformed scrotum, signed a five-picture deal with Butt Blast Pictures last week and the company is now on the hunt for other smooth-scrotumed actors.

“We expect to see this Scrotox trend lead the way to a new, golden era of gay porn,” says Mick Haggard, editor of Scrotal Affairs magazine.

But there are some doctors who are concerned about the new wonder drug.  "If God wanted smooth scrotums, he would’ve made us that way… so he must prefer wrinkled scrotums," exclaimed Rev. Dr. Pat Robb, M.D. at a recent Christian Urology conference.  "He wants them to look like walnuts or shriveled peaches to attract members of the opposite sex who are hungry — see, it's a trick to bring them to the bag of life for the purpose of procreation."