DEBUQUE, IO — Leonard Johnston thought he had it all figured out. Having spent his whole life in Iowa, he figured he knew the territory. He figured he could get away with armed robbery, drug peddling and even murder. He figured he'd dodged the local law enforcement scene enough to know the loopholes of its criminal justice system. He figured he'd live out his days in comfort, in the town where he was born and raised. What he didn't figure on was Judge Patricia Howell.

 Howell sat behind her desk and listened to the long litany of misdemeanors and felonies attributed to Johnston. Then she threw the book at him and sentenced him to a life term… in Los Angeles.

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"As for Mr. Johnston, who evidently likes being a big fish in a small pond... I believe this sentence will be due justice for him: to experience being a small fish in a big pond."

 — Judge Howell

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When the judgement was read, attendees at the trial looked perplexed at one another. Certainly this was a joke. But it wasn't."I assure you this is no laughing matter," Howell declared as she addressed the courtroom. "Personally, I'm sick and tired of seeing Mr. Johnston's face before this bench. I believe that either he has to move or the rest of us have to move… and I, for one, treasure what we've got here in Debuque as well as the greater Midwest. As for Mr. Johnston, who evidently likes being a big fish in a small pond which he continually mucks up, I believe this sentence will be due justice for him: to experience being a small fish in a big pond. I hereby sentence you to life in L.A.!"

 The case's legal brief explains that a studio apartment has been reserved for Johnston in South Central L.A., for the same amount it would cost to keep him in prison the rest of his life. An outspoken white supremacist, who doesn't drive a car, L.J. is expected next week at his new domicile between Compton and Watts.

Judge Howell, speaking to reporters after sentencing, added, "I believe that this will meet the state's requirement for doing 'hard time.'"