Human dairy byproducts save the day for one local man and his bold new business idea. But women's groups say women's breasts are for suckling, not commercial milking.
SANTA CLARITA, Calif. — It's said that necessity is the mother of invention. One local man found it necessary to use a whole group of mothers for an invention that has not only rescued him from bankruptcy but earned him a fortune in a most unusual business idea: human breast milk products.
When Ross Marker lost his job as a manager at a local music store last year, his life quickly became a living nightmare. His wife, Holly, was eight months pregnant and they'd just bought a condo. Marker couldn't find a new job and they were facing foreclosure.
JUST LIKE MOM USED TO MAKE: Cheesy options include Holly's Original Blend, Mothers' Milk Maid Cheese, and Miss Cheese.Then one day, while watching Holly breastfeed their infant son, Miles, Marker had a novel idea: Why not sell human breast milk products? Marker figured there was a primal appeal about it and that with the right marketing, people might just swallow it — what a great business opportunity it could be.
His gamble paid off. Marker sold his first bottle of “Holly’s Finest” six months ago and it's been a steady flow of business ever since. Last month, with the addition of a dozen other women employees, Hooterville Farms sold five hundred bottles of "MothersMilk," and Marker is now in talks with Whole Food Markets about carrying his complete line.
"We use only naturally selected, hormone-free, cultured women with the very best breeding."—
Ross Marker, Hooterville Farms founder/entrepreneur
Not only does Marker do brisk business with human breast milk, but he's creating totally new markets for human breast cheese (Miss Cheese), human breast yogurt (YoGoGirls) and human breast ice cream (Bosomberry, Chunky Mammal).
"I didn't know a thing about dairy farming," says Marker, "Hell, I didn't know a damn thing about anything! But the solution was right there, bouncing in front of my face every night!"
Many women's advocacy groups don't see it quite the same way; they see cruel and unusual treatment.
Officially, the women are employed as "Creatives." Hooked up to automatic pumping machines, the women bide their time chatting, watching
Oprah, doing their nails and walking on treadmills. For ten minutes every hour, the women are encouraged to freely roam around the range and munch on organic feed.
"They're dairy sweat shops!" says Darny Morgan of the Con Leche League, "They've got sickly women living in cramped spaces where they can barely turn around, knit or operate the TV remote control. Sometimes they even remove the women's canine teeth so they don't bite one another, so as to diminish production levels."
But Marker wholeheartedly defends his business idea and the treatment of his workers. "We use only naturally selected, hormone-free, cultured women with the very best breeding. It's 100% fresh-squeezed human breast milk and milk byproducts. They have access to the best bottled water, air conditioning and the shopping channel— what more could a woman want!? I'm sorry, but the critics are flat wrong: These women are as happy as cows!"
To get your very own chunk of Mothers' Breast Milk Cheese, visit Hooterville Farms today:
www.hootervillefarms.com.
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