VENICE, California — Do you worry that your neighbor is greener than you are? More environmentally friendly?  Leaves a softer carbon print?  Well you're not alone.

While the whole world seems to be going environ-mental, few can claim to be as green as the Venice-based Green family — except for... well, the other Venice-based Green family.

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 "He's green with envy over my new composting bidet."
    — Robert Green, environmental lawyer

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Robert Green, an environmental lawyer, lives next  to David Green, an eco-architect, and the two have been engaged in a green war of sorts for the past four years.

It started with Robert installing solar panels. Then David turned around and put up a windmill that blocked the sun from Robert's house.

Robert countered with solar hot water system with grey-water runoff that stunk up David's yard.  David followed with ultra-low hybrid flush toilets that secretly emptied into Robert's hot tub.

"He's an environmental poser, and a threat to human nature," says Robert Green. "Now he's green with jealousy over my new composting bidet.  That's the only thing green about him!"

"Green? Him?!" responds David Green.  "Why don't you just ask him about his gas-powered car trip to the store the other day? How green was that, huh?  I caught it on my ethanol-powered closed circuit camera!  Plus, I heard that Robert bathes in his own urine, so I wouldn't recommend going over there for drinks"

The battle between the two has become so heated that even environmental groups are telling them to cool their biodiesel-powered jets.

"Sure, we want people to care about the environment," says Roberta Hines of Citizens for a Greener Green, "but I think they've gone too far — their publicity materials don't even come on recycled paper!" 

But the peacemakers seem to have had little effect in the case of the Greens. 

Just this last week, David allegedly invited Robert's family to a "goodwill barbeque," but allegedly used his dried feces as fuel for the guest's food, and their whole family got sick.

And Robert has now gone missing for several days. 

Meanwhile, David has a suspicious sign posted on his yard: "Free meat.  100% organic!"